


get to the pointe

by transming



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Banter, Childhood Friends, Drama, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Rivalry, i swear all of the dreamies are in this it just turned out 00 centred, lapslock bc we die like men, this turned out a lot more melodramatic than i anticipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transming/pseuds/transming
Summary: when lee donghyuck, renjun's first crush, ex-best friend and arch-nemesis of six years pas de bourrees back into his life just to steal away his dream role from under his ballet slippers, renjun is determined not to go down without a fight.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 90
Collections: DreamXmas 2019, WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2019/20





	get to the pointe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [speckledsolanaceae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/speckledsolanaceae/gifts).



> full title: get to the pointe where i lose my mind and fall in love
> 
> disclaimer: a light warning that renjun and donghyuck both make comments about each others weight at one point. these do not reflect my personal opinion nor are they valid comments to make in any way no matter what situation and please be careful reading if you are sensitive to this subject! it's nothing too vicious but i wanted to put a warning just in case.

renjun is late. 

of all days it just had to be this one. the most important audition of his entire ballet career is currently being held halfway across town and he's stuck in rush hour traffic because his fucking class ran over time for the first time all semester. it's his favourite ballet, the nutcracker, and if he doesn't land the role of clara he might as well burn his ballet slippers. it's the only thing he's ever wanted since he saw the ballet for the first time as a bright eyed seven year old with hand me down slippers and a leotard one size too big. call him dramatic but he was born to play clara. and now he might lose his one and only chance because of some stupid prerequisite class. 

his phone vibrates in his hand and he almost drops his travel card trying to read the message.

**from: jaemjaem**

eta??

yang2 just went in

bro 

**to: jaemjaem**

fuck like 8 minutes if i run

who's left??

**from: jaemjaem**

just you & mark

**to: jaemjaem**

fuckfuckufkckufkckkfj

**from: jaemjaem**

run junnie run!!!!!!!

as soon as the train screeches to a stop he's off, running as fast as his legs will carry him. his phone buzzes as he runs through the front door of the dance studio, faint tchaikovsky drifting through the near empty corridors, and he books it up the first flight of stairs before he unlocks his phone again. 

**from: jaemjaem**

wait

huh????

theres another dancer?????

**to: jaemjaem**

what?

like from a dif class?

**from: jaemjaem**

no idk who he is??????

dude hurry up!!!!! 

he frowns. the ballet is being put on by their dance studio, no outside dancers allowed and yet there's a stranger stealing his audition spot? 

he reaches the top of the stairs and doubles his speed until he turns the corner and spots the rest of his dance troop, sprawled across the various benches lining the hallway, and slows to a jog. 

"aaaaand safe!" jaemin stage whispers when he finally reaches them, dropping his bag at his feet and bending over his knees to catch his breath. he exchanges breathless, whispered greetings with jeno and yangyang, the former looking sympathetic and the latter looking thoroughly amused, as always. jaemin pulls renjun’s bag between his legs and unzips it while renjun struggles with his belt. 

“catch me up. who’s the intruder?”

“no idea.” jeno says. “he just showed up like, just before yang finished and asked kun if he could audition.”

“and he said yes?” he loses his balance as he wrestles with his leggings and nearly falls into yangyang's lap. yangyang and jaemin reach out to steady him.  he gets his pants on over his ass and lets go of the hem as the studio door opens with an abrupt clutter of sound, revealing the one person renjun never thought he’d see again. his heart thuds painfully in his chest as he takes in long, long legs donned in black ballet slippers. toned arms and thighs replacing the pudgy short limbs he remembers. a head of chestnut brown streaked with rainbow highlights, a sharp jawline and even sharper eyes trained directly on renjun, stealing his breath and every thought from his mind, replacing it with two syllables and a name.

“donghyuck.” 

renjun met lee donghyuck when his ballet slippers still gave him blisters and he could barely stand on one foot without holding the barre. donghyuck had been dancing for a few months by then and laughed openly at renjun’s struggles. they’d fought on and off for several lessons before the teacher inevitably forced them to work together and they found out they had a lot in common. 

they were friends all throughout their childhood, right up until the start of their teenage years. that’s when donghyuck had grown distant and detached and one thing lead to another, lead to a huge dramatic fight that would haunt renjun and the dance studio for years to come and then donghyuck had quit the studio and never returned. 

six years later donghyuck waltzes through the studio door, dripping with sweat and wide-eyed staring at renjun, whose brain has very helpfully decided to do a system reboot at this very important, ground-shaking moment of his early adulthood. 

“renjun.” donghyuck startles, stumbling back a step. “what-”

“huang renjun?” kun calls from inside the studio, more formal than usual for the auditioning process, and renjun has to leave. he grabs his ballet shoes and pushes past donghyuck’s frozen form with a curt nod, letting the door swing shut behind him. 

“glad you made it.” kun says, not looking up from shuffling through his notes, searching for renjun’s paper no doubt. ten, the lead choreographer of the dance school, waves in greeting from his own spot at the table. 

instead of hurriedly pulling his shoes on and apologising profusely, maybe even doing a 90 degree bow, like he would if it were anyone else holding auditions this year - he storms over to the fold out table and angrily whispers: “what the hell is donghyuck doing back here?” 

kun looks up at him and sighs. “he’s here to audition, just like everybody else.”

“you-” renjun recoils. “you let him  _ audition _ ? after the stunt he pulled-"

“renjun.” kun scolds, too tired to really sound angry. “he’s paid his tuition like everyone else, he’s got just as much of a right to audition as you do.” 

“but that’s not fair!” he argues. "he hasn't danced all year. he can't just join classes just to be in this one ballet-"

"he can and he has." kun says. 

“renjun," ten interrupts. "we can talk about this later. for now just focus on your own audition.” 

at that, renjun sobers up considerably, a fresh wave of nerves so strong his head spins. kun looks up at him, quietly prodding, and renjun sighs. he ties his shoes up in silence and gets into position, hoping the run earlier got him warmed up. he breathes in, thoughts slowly dispersing until his head is empty bar the thudding of his heartbeat. 

ten looks at him and brings a finger up to the ancient looking boom-box speaker sitting on the table in front of him. 

“when you’re ready.” he says.

renjun nods and breathes in.

the music plays. 

  
  
  


♫

  
  
  


he finishes his audition with the quiet confidence that he aced his routine and rushes to the bathroom as soon as he’s out the door, ignoring donghyuck’s piercing gaze as he passes him on the floor. his friends give him varying looks of concern; all of them joined the company long after the Donghyuck Drama but they know all about his ex best friend, and he's sure it's only a matter of time before they put two and two together. 

he enters the bathroom panting heavily and splashes his face with cold water, trying to stop his heartbeat from trying to race against his thoughts; all leading back to donghyuck, a topic he’s left untouched for the better part of six years, stowed away in the back of his mind, right next to where his sexuality lay up until his last year of high school. he also, coincidentally, was the cause of said sexuality crisis which just makes everything a million times worse because puberty has been and gone and he's  _ hot  _ now. it's fucking unfair.

the bathroom door suddenly swings open behind him and he knows who it is without looking.

“you haven’t changed much, huang.” donghyuck says, leaning against the door and effectively blocking his only escape route. 

“and you're still the same asshole as always." 

“aw you always say the sweetest things.” donghyuck coos. renjun looks at him through the dirty bathroom mirror and imagines wiping the condescending smirk off his face with his fist. 

“what are you even doing back here?” he keeps his voice cool - even after so long he knows not to give him any sort of reaction. 

“i missed you junnie.” donghyuck pouts and renjun can’t stop himself from tensing at the nickname. 

“don’t call me that.” he growls and donghyuck grins winningly. then he lets out a dramatic sigh, picking at his nails in a way that’s purely for show. “college is just soooo boring.” 

“so you decided to come and torment me for fun?” he guesses. 

donghyuck smirks again. “why do you think everything is about you?” 

“oh that’s so rich coming from you.” 

to renjun’s pleasure, that gets a reaction out of donghyuck, casual arrogance breaking as his temper flares. “what’s that supposed to mean?” 

renjun smiles and shuts the tap off. he turns and shakes his hands dry and holds back his laughter when donghyuck has to struggle not to flinch every time a droplet of water lands on him. “sorry, didn’t realise i needed to spell it out for you.” he clears his throat, carefully announcing his next words. “it means you’re a selfish prick.” 

donghyuck lunges for him, face bright red, and renjun isn’t fast enough to dodge the fist that makes contact with his nose and throws him even more off balance. he barely registers the pain before swinging back, startling donghyuck enough to get a good hit in before the bathroom door opens again and yangyang stops him. 

“renjun stop!” yangyang yells in mandarin, throwing himself around renjun to hold him back. he struggles against the grip and throws every chinese swear word he knows at donghyuck until kun walks into the bathroom and all three of them freeze.

“that’s enough!” kun yells. it’s not often kun has to raise his voice, but when he does it’s  _ terrifying _ . "what the hell is going on here?" 

renjun glares at the floor, nose throbbing and knuckles tingling. neither of them say anything and kun huffs out a frustrated sigh.

“donghyuck go back to the others.” 

donghyuck huffs but does as told, letting the bathroom door swing shut behind him. 

“let me go.” renjun says and brings a hand up to his nose when yangyang steps back. it stings like a bitch and when he pulls his hand away it’s red. 

“let’s have a look at that.” kun says, grabbing renjun’s face roughly. he hisses through his teeth when his nose throbs again. kun steps back after a moment and levels renjun with a stare that could give his own mother’s disappointed look a run for its money. “go with yangyang to get that iced." he clicks his tongue and glances over renjun's shoulder at yangyang. "and don’t let him leave.” 

“whatever.” he ducks out of the bathroom without looking back. yangyang's light footsteps echo behind him as he jogs to catch up to renjun’s hurried pace, humming happily to himself.

“what’d he do?” he asks. renjun glances at him.

“nothing.”

yangyang nods, not believing him in the slightest. when they turn the corner, donghyuck is sitting on one of the benches, flinching as mark nervously prods his rapidly forming bruise and assuring him it’s not as bad as it looks. jaemin and jeno are where he left them and they jump to their feet when they spot the two of them power-walking towards them.

“holy shit.” 

“what happened?” they say at the same time. renjun doesn’t stop walking and they hurry after him. he doesn’t say anything, just looks at donghyuck as they pass him, purposefully turning his head so they know what he’s looking at. they make eye contact when donghyuck notices him and smirks, pleased with the hand cupped under his nose to catch the blood still dripping from it. renjun’s blood boils like a pot returning to an element that wasn’t switched off.

“save it.” yangyang says in mandarin, tugging at his arm in warning when renjun unconsciously slows down. “he’s an asshole but he’s not worth getting yourself kicked out.” 

renjun diverts his eyes and continues down the hallway. “you’re right.” he replies, also in mandarin. “at least he looks ugly now.” 

yangyang’s laughter bounces and echoes around the hallway, breaking the tense atmosphere enough for renjun to crack a smile that tastes like iron. 

♫

renjun returns to the studio room with yangyang, jaemin and jeno feeling anxious and sore. the rest of the dance members are dotted around the room, waiting for the announcement of roles, with kun and ten standing at the front of the room looking serious. the four of them sit close to the door, on the opposite side of the room to donghyuck and mark with the two youngest sprawled somewhere along the middle. it’s kind of funny how divided the room is compared to last week when they'd had an impromptu dance battle while kun had been running late for their lesson. kun had laughed when he'd eventually shown up and jokingly suggested to add some of jaemin's most ridiculous moves to the choreography for the year end recital.

there’s no hint of amusement on kun’s face now when he turns to address the room at large, clipboard resting on his hip and face carefully blank. renjun holds his breath for so long he thinks he might faint as kun announces the roles one by one. by the time his name is called there are only two main roles left; clara and the nutcracker. 

“huang renjun. act one, clara.” renjun breathes a sigh of relief- “act two, nutcracker.” and cuts it short.

“what?!” he yells.

“lee donghyuck.” kun looks between renjun and donghyuck when he says: “act one, nutcracker. act two, clara.” 

the whole room erupts into chaos as renjun sputters. “we’re sharing our roles?”

“you can’t do that!” donghyuck argues. 

“with all due respect, kun is that really a good idea?” mark argues, respectfully raising a hand before talking. “it’s hard enough learning a female role but to switch between male and female in just the intermission-”

“this is the decision we have made and it is final.” ten takes over, his tone leaving no room for argument. “we'll begin teaching next week so i suggest everyone does their own research over the weekend to prepare for your roles. if you have any questions about them, come see me."

when no one speaks, kun finishes. "alright. besides renjun and donghyuck, you are all dismissed.” 

renjun collapses against the floor as his friends stand to leave.

“should we wait for you?” jeno asks. renjun shakes his head.

“go ahead, leave me here to die.” he laments. 

“good luck.” yangyang laughs, nudging him with his foot in a gesture that renjun guesses is supposed to be comforting. jaemin fingers guns as he trails after the other two. 

the next moment, the studio door shuts and renjun is left alone with his arch-nemesis and his dance teacher. he tilts his head to the side to look at kun leaning heavily against the fold out table, clipboard hugged to his front and glancing between the two of them. ten sits at the table behind him, chin in his hands, looking bored out of his mind. renjun can’t see donghyuck from this angle unless he flips his head to the other side where the mirror is. he doesn’t, but if he did, he'd find donghyuck hugging his legs and glaring angrily at the floor.

“alright.” kun says. “get on with it.” 

“this isn’t fair!” donghyuck yells. “why can’t you just give me the lead role like you want to?”

renjun sits up so fast his head spins. “oh you’re so fucking full of yourself!” he argues, face hot.

donghyuck widens his eyes in faux innocence. “me? there’s nothing wrong with having confidence renjun. you should try it sometime.” 

“donghyuck.” kun calls. a warning. ten snickers unhelpfully into his palm.

“why are you doing this?” renjun asks through the frustration clogging up his windpipe. 

“because i want to be clara.” donghyuck answers, like it’s so simple, like he doesn’t understand what renjun is really asking.  _ why are you doing this to me? why did you come back? why did you leave? _

renjun huffs a frustrated sigh and flops back on the ground. 

“look.” kun finally cuts in. “you both auditioned for clara and you both danced fantastically. i also think you're perfectly capable of learning two roles.”

“but that’s not the problem.” renjun argues.

“then what is the problem?” 

“the problem is,” renjun lets his head flop over to glare at donghyuck. “there's no way in hell i'm doing a pas de deux with  _ him _ .” 

donghyuck's face turns sour. “ew fuck that.”

“okay.” kun says simply, grabbing his pen and scribbling something on his notes. “then jeno and jaemin will take the lead roles and you’ll be reassigned to smaller characters.” 

“no!” they both yell at the same time.

kun raises an eyebrow and stops writing. “i have a whole queue of dancers who are just as capable, and far more professional than the two of you who would be more than happy to take your roles.”

ten stands up. “the only reason we're giving you this opportunity is because we know how hard you’ve worked for it. i'm sure the two of you can work through your differences. you’ve done it before so you can do it again.” 

renjun closes his eyes, quietly simmering in his anger.

“okay?” kun presses when the room remains silent.

“okay.” renjun murmurs.

“whatever.” donghyuck huffs. 

“great. see you next week.” 

♫

rehearsals go about as well as could be expected. that is, tense but civil at absolute best (rare), and blood boiling at worst. it’s hard for renjun to concentrate on learning the steps with donghyuck in the same room, prancing around like he never left and making friends with the rest of the group. they all know what happened all those years ago and yet renjun seems to be the only one that cares. it hurts; being forced to work with his ex-best friend; feeling alienated by his own dance mates; remembering all that donghyuck put him through. 

kun and the other teachers thankfully stick to working on the group and solo sections for the first few weeks meaning renjun has at least a bit of time to adjust to donghyuck's sudden reappearance before they're forced to work together far closer than renjun is comfortable with. 

he watches a performance of the ballet one night. he knows the story and music off by heart, could probably do some of the dances in his sleep. but for the first time he really forces himself to focus on the pas de deux between clara and the nutcracker, and with each lift he feels something in his gut tighten, something unsettling and scary. 

on screen, the nutcracker lifts clara for the sixth time and renjun holds his breath like it's the first. the male dancer has one hand tight around her waist, one wrapped around her bottom leg, and they dip together, a perfectly executed fish dive. renjun can see the man's muscles straining with the weight of the ballerina, her face just centimetres from the ground. he doesn't understand how the dancers can have so much trust in each other; faith that the other will always catch them if they fall. it must take years of training together to reach that point, to know each other so well inside and out; to breathe, think and move as one.

he slams his laptop closed, the soft orchestral music cutting off abruptly. he shoves the laptop under his bed and pulls the covers over his head and spends the rest of the night thinking about how that could have been them. if only donghyuck had stayed.   
  


♫  
  


"again."

renjun holds back a groan and returns to his position in front of the mirror.

_ one two three kick  _

_ one two jump four-and-kick  _

"straighten that leg renjun."

_ one-and-a two-and-a demiplié leap _

"come on you can go higher than that."

_ five six seven and spin dip spin dip spin- _

renjun loses balance and stumbles to a stop, wincing as the music abruptly cuts off. 

ten sighs. "take five everyone." 

renjun wobbles over to his bag, ignoring donghyuck's looming presence behind him and procures his drink bottle. 

"-don't understand how he got the lead." he hears a whisper from a group of younger dancers across the room and swallows his water with a grimace. 

they have just over a month to go until the opening performance so they've started having practices with other classes in the company as they make up all of the minor character roles. he doesn't particularly mind the other kids; he sometimes helps kun out with the toddlers class every now and then. but the class they're with right now is the class below theirs, aka the teenagers and they aren't known for being the most pleasant students. 

"i heard hes only doing one act." one of the other kids whispers back. "he has to share the role with some other guy. what a joke."

renjun turns, retort burning hot on his tongue but donghyuck, crouched by his bag in between them, beats him to it. "big talk for snowflake number three." 

the group startles, unaware they had an audience. they look frightened under donghyuck's fiery stare. 

"i just- what i meant was-" the rest of the group stay silent while who must be their leader rambles nervously. renjun stands and watches, intrigued and a little shell shocked at donghyuck's involvement.

donghyuck's lip twitches, the movement so minuscule anyone else would have missed it - anyone who wasn't renjun, who knows exactly what to look for. donghyuck really hasn't changed at all; he's still just as temperamental, just as dramatic and high maintenance as he was before; as he always has been. 

"yes go on." donghyuck taunts. 

"he's saying what kind of lead can't even keep his balance for three fouettés?" another dancer cuts in, giving renjun a once over that makes his skin crawl. 

"if you have a problem with the casting i'd kindly ask you to take it up with me personally." kun's voice booms across the quiet studio, cutting off whatever sharp response was sitting on donghyuck's tongue. no one dares breathe as kun eyes the room at whole, the group of teenagers hunching in on themselves to hide from the full force of kun's stare. 

renjun looks to donghyuck, out of habit, and finds him looking back. his expression is carefully blank, calculating, maybe gauging renjun's reaction. renjun looks away, anger simmering at a surface level while something carefully hopeful and horribly confusing bubbles deep in his chest. 

"right. break's over. everyone, from the top." 

♫

he leaves the studio that night dreaming of a three hour long bath and some cheap take out. his body hurts from overexertion and his head is fuzzy from everything else. his balance had been off for the rest of the class, distracted by the eyes trained on the back of his head during all of his parts and the way kun's reassuring smile had gotten tighter every time he dropped off pointe. donghyuck had been quieter than usual and seemed to have been making an actual effort not to roll his eyes at all of his slip ups. 

the air when he steps outside is crisp and just chilly enough to cool his heated skin, goosebumps rising along his exposed arms as he walks onto the pavement. he shrugs his gym bag higher over his shoulder and begins his walk home, going over the choreo in his head and thinking of ways to improve his turns. 

he's so lost in thought he nearly walks into someone exiting a convenience store with a steaming bowl of ramen balanced carefully between pink fingertips. 

"watch it." 

renjun's head whips up. donghyuck glares back for a second before looking back at his ramen, careful not to spill any as he maneuvers around renjun to one of the table sets dumped next to the store entrance.

"should you be eating that?" renjun asks, dropping into the plastic seat across from him, against his better judgement, and letting his bag thud against the ground. 

donghyuck hums and breaks his chopsticks apart, rubbing them between his palms. "i'm flattered that you're worried about my figure but if you want some you'll have to beg."

renjun scowls until donghyuck looks up and sees it. he crosses his arms in front of him and drops his head to rest on his forearms. he lets his eyes slip closed and tries not to twitch at every obnoxious noodle slurp. 

"why are you here, donghyuck?" he asks, voice muffled by his arms. 

"hungry." donghyuck replies through a mouthful of noodles. 

renjun sighs and gives up. he’s too tired to force a real conversation out of donghyuck and he has more important things to worry about; namely, the grand pas de deux looming over their heads.

donghyuck swallows noisily and clears his throat. “i’ve been thinking of doing some extra rehearsals this weekend.”

renjun lifts his head. donghyuck looks back, face blank. “okay...? why are you telling me this?”

donghyuck shrugs. “just saying, in case you were gonna practice too. the big studio is mine.” 

“i can’t, i have work all weekend.” renjun shifts in his seat, sitting up and inhaling. the scent of ramen fills his nostrils and makes his empty stomach rumble. 

donghyuck boos. “you used to be fun.” 

renjun rolls his eyes but he’s smiling despite himself. “whatever.” 

donghyuck sits back and makes a loud sound of satisfaction, smacking his lips together for extra effect and stretching his arms over his head. "well, as riveting as this has been i'm gonna turn in. see you next week junnie." 

"don't call me that." renjun replies but it sounds tired. donghyuck ignores him and grabs his bag, swings it over his shoulder and salutes at renjun before walking away. 

renjun watches him go, chewing on his bottom lip in thought, and it's not until he looks back at the table that he realises donghyuck only ate half of his ramen. 

♫

by some miracle, renjun finishes work early that sunday. by an even bigger miracle, he actually has enough energy to squeeze in an extra practice before rehearsals begin again for the week. he runs home just for his gym bag and power-walks to the dance school, racing the sun's steady descent in the sky.

when he arrives he heads towards the big studio without thinking. it isn’t until his ears pick up the muffled music floating down the hallway that he remembers donghyuck’s warning from earlier in the week. he pauses outside the studio, weighing his options. 

the frosted window on the studio door warps donghyuck’s body into a moving blob of tan skin and black dance clothes. it’s unfair that donghyuck could just drop ballet for several years then come back and dance like he never stopped. it takes natural born talent to do something like that; he thinks if he stopped dancing for even a month he’d lose all of his dance ability and have to start from scratch. he just wasn’t born for dancing. it took him years of intense practice before he felt like he had full control of all of his gangly, uncoordinated body parts. donghyuck was always different. he dances as easily as he breathes and renjun has always been jealous of him for it.

he pushes the studio door open and notes of tchaikovsky spill out to greet him. donghyuck is mid pirouette when he spots him and spins to a stop.

“i told you this studio’s mine!” he yells over the music. 

“i don't see your name on it." he retorts, sticking his tongue out like the child he was when they first met. he starts his stretches while donghyuck huffily stops the music and takes an angry gulp of water from his obnoxiously bright neon orange tumbler. his lack of response and acceptance of renjun's presence only acts as confirmation that  _ something  _ has changed between them. he can only hope that it continues; for the sake of the recital at the very least.

after the first few minutes of practicing together, he finds it's actually pretty easy to concentrate since donghyuck focuses on his own dancing and ignores renjun entirely. they make it through four consecutive run throughs where renjun manages to tweak some of the moves he’s been struggling with, and half way through their fifth one is when his mind starts to wander. 

the donghyuck pirouetting beside him, face worn and tired, surface level from exertion and deeper down from the years spent away from renjun, is as much a stranger as he is a familiar face. he wonders how much he must have missed out on - how much they  _ both _ missed of each other's lives in the time spent apart. he recognises the deep scar above donghyuck's eyelid from when he fell off a bed as a kid; but the thin line across his ankle bone curving up towards his shin is something unfamiliar. even donghyuck's expression when they make eye contact through the mirror is something unsettlingly foreign and cold; and yet, somehow, still feels like coming home. 

the music ends and neither of them move, caught in a moment of nostalgia in the dance studio mirror. 

“it’s uh,” donghyuck pants, gaze unwavering but hands fluttering about nervously. “it’s cool to be dancing again.” 

renjun exhales and looks away. “yeah you’re really out of practice.”

donghyuck laughs a beat late. “we can’t all be perfectionists huang.” 

a memory of donghyuck, younger and naive and so so angry for something renjun never figured out. _everything just has to be perfect with you, doesn't it? _

he turns and walks towards his bag, hands trembling. 

“where are you going?” donghyuck asks. he throws his water bottle in his bag haphazardly, the metal clinking against his keys. 

“home."

“renjun-”

renjun drops his bag with a dramatic clatter. "what are you doing here donghyuck?" 

"i missed dancing." donghyuck replies but it tastes like a lie. "i was getting bored of the gym so i thought-" 

"you thought you'd waltz back in here and act like nothing changed? like you never left?" 

"what do you want me to say?" renjun stands as donghyuck advances, keeping his ground even when donghyuck grabs the sweaty collar of his tank. his words are growled into the minimal space left between them, so close renjun can taste the poison when he spits: "that i missed you?" 

his heart cracks in two, a wound just as familiar as the person who caused it; standing too close, hand buried in renjun's chest and twisting and squeezing until he can't breathe, until the blood freezes in his veins and renjun is nothing but an empty carcass of who he once was. it's awful and terrible because he did, because he  _ does  _ miss donghyuck, more than he ever thought possible. he was stupid for thinking the feeling was mutual. 

renjun shoves, hard, and donghyuck goes stumbling but stays on his feet. renjun's skin burns and collapses in on itself and he struggles to think through the red haze. "fuck you." he pants.

something in donghyuck's expression falters. a tear hits the ground with a quiet wet splat. renjun picks up his bag and donghyuck doesn't try to stop him; not when he's shoving the studio door open and not when he's running out onto a street of blurry white and yellow lights. donghyuck never comes after him, and renjun knows, now more than ever, that nothing has changed. 

♫

they stop speaking. or at least renjun does everything he can to avoid and ignore donghyuck and donghyuck gives up rather quickly when he realises renjun doesn't want to even look at him. rehearsals are tense, as always, but now even ten is starting to look worried. 

"okay, renjun, donghyuck, it's grand pas de deux time." 

as prepared as he thought he was to hear those words, his stomach still swoops like he's been dropped off the highest point of a roller coaster. 

he doesn't bother asking if it can wait; if they can skip it entirely, if ten can choreograph them some solos instead. he knows it's inevitable and he's helpless to resist it. this is just another thing he'll have to sacrifice for this role; his pride. 

"start with an easy lift to get used to each others bodies." ten instructs. renjun's ears burn hot and donghyuck chuckles behind him, hands coming to rest on renjun's hips, so light they're barely there but burning holes through the thin material of his tank top nonetheless.

ten counts them down and they start moving together; pas de bourrees tight and in sync, readying for the lift-

renjun's feet leave the ground just as his breath leaves his lungs; as a gasped exhale, a tightening of his abdominal muscles throwing off his center of gravity. he lands earlier than he expects and stumbles on his feet before donghyuck's hands tighten and steady him. as soon as he can stand on his own, donghyuck retreats. 

"well that was…" ten's wide eyes flit between the two of them. "a start."

"it was shit." donghyuck says, staring at renjun accusingly.

"let's just go again." renjun sighs, shaking out his legs in an attempt to dispel his nerves. the imprints of donghyuck's hands are warm on his waist. 

“renjun keep your stomach tight this time.” ten instructs as they get back into position. 

they go again and renjun forces himself to focus. he keeps his body tight, back straight, head clear of everything but numbers.

it doesn't work. donghyuck lifts him too high or renjun tilts too far forward or they both miss the timing; one way or another every lift ends up worse than the last. by the end of it, ten looks acceptably pissed off. he sends them home with a stern warning to get their act together (sort their shit out) or he'll be forced to find other dancers. 

it goes without saying, renjun feels absolutely fucked.

♫

in an act of desperation, after several more rehearsals as awful as the last where they kept clashing and renjun nearly dropped donghyuck and didn't feel an inch of remorse over it; renjun seeks out his friends for help.

“i just need you to go through the lifts with me.” he explains. “can you do them?”

jeno looks unsure. “i don’t know. i’ve only ever done them with jaem…”

“you’ll be fine. i’m way lighter than jaemin anyway.” 

“hey!” jaemin yells and throws one of his ballet slippers at the back of renjun’s head. yangyang laughs and tackles jaemin to the ground for no apparent reason. renjun throws the slipper back.

he turns to jeno. "so?"

jeno whines. "if you injure yourself it's not my fault." 

"you can carry me to the emergency room." renjun throws back with a grin. jeno rolls his eyes, the gesture watered down by the upturn of his lips.

"okay," renjun starts once they're in position for the first lift. "ready?" 

jeno's hands hold all the confidence his voice lacks. "i think so." 

it doesn't feel like staring down the face of a cliff or teetering over the edge of a roller coaster. it's actually a little anticlimactic and jeno's fingers dig into his hip bone but they do it. renjun is able to steady himself, abs screaming for relief which means he's doing  _ something _ right, and just like he predicted jeno is able to hold him up with the ease of someone who's never missed an arm day in his life. 

jaemin and yangyang start cheering as jeno (very carefully) turns out of the lift and renjun's feet find the ground once more. he can't stop smiling, relieved and excited for the performance for the first time since they started rehearsing. he hugs jeno, bone crushing, and revels in the happy laughter in his ear. 

it's that ecstatic buzz, the blood rushing in his ears and the sound of his own laughter that makes him miss the ominous creak of the studio door.

"are you done? some of us want to use this studio for actual practice." 

and just like that, renjun's happy bubble is popped. 

"we are practicing." he argues. he clings to jeno, hesitant to pull too far away in case donghyuck tries anything. jeno silently wraps a protective hand around his wrist and donghyuck's eyes zero in on the movement and narrow into slits. 

"sure." he scoffs and makes no move to leave. renjun looks to his friends for help.

"you can practice with us." yangyang says.

"what the fuck?" renjun hisses in mandarin. "what are you doing?"

"what? you need the practice." he replies, also in mandarin. "and you need to make friends before the show."

"we don't need to be friends i just need to cut down the urge to murder him in cold blood every time i see him-"

"which is exactly why you need to spend more time with him. you can't do lifts with someone you don't trust." 

renjun huffs in frustration and bites his lip, now angry over the fact that yangyang is right. 

"can we switch back to korean please?" jaemin asks.

"donghyuck you're more than welcome to join us." yangyang turns back to address donghyuck, switching flawlessly into korean. 

"thank you." he gives yangyang a polite smile that drops as soon as he looks back at renjun. "well?"

"well what?" 

donghyuck rolls his eyes. "do you want to get these lifts right or not?" 

renjun looks helplessly at jeno, who shrugs awkwardly and drops renjun's hand. "he is your partner." 

renjun resists the urge to stomp his feet like a child. what's the point of having friends if they won't even defend him from his own enemy? "fine." he grits out. 

jeno takes a seat with the others; all perfectly comfortable watching them instead of rehearsing like they should be. yangyang jumps up to help spot them, grinning ear to ear despite the matching scowls he's met with.

"ready?" he asks, bright as ever. it's like a patch of sunlight in the far distance while you're sitting in the middle of a hurricane.

renjun gets into position and tries not to flinch when donghyuck's hands come to rest in their place on his waist. where jeno's hands were confident, donghyuck's hands are unsure and fluttery, like he's trying to put as little pressure as possible without actually letting go. like he's touching something he really doesn't want to but has to. renjun watches his own face twist through the mirror.

they try the lift again and it's about as shit as the last time. donghyuck is wobbly and holding renjun too far away from his body and renjun has a white-knuckled grip on the hands around his waist and his legs are dangling at half strength, toes barely pointed. 

"wow that was horrific." yangyang says when they spin out of it. "like really bad." 

"yeah no shit." 

"maybe you should try swapping places?" 

donghyuck cackles. "are you kidding? you want him to lift me? with his noodle arms?" 

"what's the matter donghyuck? worried about all that ramen you've been eating?" 

"just because you look like a stick insect-"

jaemin, quiet up until this point, steps between them just as renjun lunges and grabs him by the shoulders. "stop. that's enough."

"you two need to talk if you're gonna get anywhere with these lifts." yangyang says.

"but-"

jeno pushes himself off the floor and joins them, a small worried frown sitting on his face. "there's only two months left until the performance and you haven't even started the fish dive yet. you need to figure this out before the teachers realise you're not making any progress and recast."

the three of them turn to leave. "where are you going?" donghyuck asks. hes got his arms wrapped around his torso like he's hugging himself. renjun has never seen him look so small.

"we're giving you privacy." jaemin answers while swinging his bag over his shoulder.

"what if we end up fighting?" renjun calls.

"what if i just leave?" donghyuck adds. 

yangyang turns to them. "if you're serious about keeping your roles, you wont. text me when you're done." renjun grunts weakly in response and the studio door closes, leaving the two of them alone with the stifling silence and a conversation long overdue. 

renjun squats and puts his face in his hands, unable to even look at donghyuck. he hears donghyuck sigh and shuffle around a bit, not coming closer but not moving away either. 

"why are you here, donghyuck?" renjun's voice is barely a whisper, muffled by his hands but loud in the silent studio. 

donghyuck sighs again and renjun waits for a response that never comes. 

"i'm not letting you ruin this for me." he stands, looks donghyuck square in the eye and says: "why did you leave?" 

donghyuck shrinks in on himself and looks away.

"why did you come back?" renjun continues. "to ruin my chance? you knew how important this role was to me. did you really come back just to sabotage me? do you hate me that fucking much?" 

"i don't hate you." 

"then why did you leave?" 

donghyuck finally meets his eye and renjun has never seen him look so scared. "you want the truth?"

"yes."

"even if it ruins everything? even if it makes everything worse than it already is?"

"i don't fucking care. i just want to know what the fuck happened." 

"what happened was i-" donghyuck cuts himself off. 

"what?" renjun pushes, running out of patience. "just tell me that you hate me so we can move on with this fucking rehearsal and you can never see me again-"

"renjun would you just shut the fuck up? i'm trying to fucking confess to you." 

renjun's brain splutters to a stop.

"c-confess?"

donghyuck makes a guttural noise of exasperation and drops his head in his hands. "i was so stupid. i was a hormonal teenager fuck i don't know. everything was just so confusing and i- i freaked out and fucked everything up."

"you liked.. me?" he squeaks.

donghyuck's ears go red and he buries his face further into his palms. his voice is muffled when he speaks but renjun hears him loud and clear. "like. not past tense." 

"are you fucking kidding me? this can't be happening." 

donghyuck flinches and he looks up. his voice goes defensive when he says: "no i'm not fucking kidding." 

renjun throws his hands up rather dramatically. "we're in a fucking kdrama!" he yells at the ceiling. "300 episodes of slow burn enemies to lovers, mutual pining, the whole fucking shebang." 

when he looks back down donghyuck is staring straight at him in wide-eyed shock. it takes a few seconds to process and then he yells, a sharp high pitched noise somewhere between a cry and a laugh. "all this teen angst for nothing. fucking unbelievable."

renjun laughs, the sound bursting out of him and donghyuck snickers quietly. "okay wait but- i need to hear you say it. just in case i've got this all wrong-"

"donghyuck you stupid idiot i like you too." donghyuck's face splits into a smile like a dark cloud moving for the sun and renjun doesn't even think as his legs carry him forwards, closer and closer still until they're a breath width apart, just like that night in this same studio a few weeks earlier. this time when donghyuck speaks, there's not a hint of venom in his words.

_ what do you want me to say? that i missed you? _

"well, are you gonna kiss me or not?" 

♫

"this is weird." yangyang whispers, right as the stage hand disappears back through the dressing room door, her warning "five minute call" triggering a flurry of movement around the makeup station. 

"what is?" jaemin asks, eyes on his instagram feed. 

"them." he gets nudged in the side and looks up, following yangyang's gaze. renjun and donghyuck are in the middle of the crowded dressing room, heads bent together over donghyuck's phone, their loud laughter carrying over the noise. donghyuck says something and renjun snorts unattractively and smacks donghyuck on the arm. donghyuck rubs the spot dramatically, whining loudly until renjun brings a hand up and starts rubbing the spot too.

"i'm just glad they're not fighting anymore." jeno says from his spot on the floor, curled up between jaemin's legs. 

donghyuck leans closer to renjun, mouth so close to his cheek it's hard to tell from where they're sitting if there's any distance between them at all. renjun blushes bright crimson and shoves donghyuck away with a high pitched giggle. based on the hand he presses to his cheek, it's easy to guess there wasn't any.

jaemin sticks his tongue out, ready to complain about how he much prefers the fighting, but then he catches jeno's wistful sigh and the fondness in yangyang's gaze and backtracks.

"as long as they don't make out on stage." he mumbles. kun, passing through the dressing room in a blur of anxiety and bright red clipboard, makes an abrupt noise of horror and sweeps over to scold their two lead dancers.

"idiots." yangyang says, one of the few mandarin words jaemin has managed to pick up over the years. also, evidently, one of yangyang's favourite words if frequency of use is anything to go by. 

"yeah." jaemin agrees, unable to fight off a smile. kun leaves the room and renjun returns the cheek kiss as soon as the door closes, screeching a little when donghyuck lunges for a proper kiss, just narrowly missing when renjun pulls away. one of the makeup girls starts scolding them this time and jaemin rolls his eyes when renjun unsubtly slides his hand between donghyuck's, tangling their fingers while he pretends to listen. 

absolute idiots.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos much appreciated! [twitter](https://twitter.com/transgyu?s=09) | [cc](http://curiouscat.me/wuju_lbx)


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